You will never fully understand pain until you go through it yourself.
Updated: Mar 19, 2019
The past three days have taken a toll on me.
Being an entrepreneur-- like, not a modern day "entrepreneur" where people that didn't start their businesses from the ground up believe they are-- a true entrepreneur has been everything that everyone warned me and explained to me it would be.
Last night as I was distraught over my overwhelming to-do list, Max said:
"Can I be completely honest with you?" ... "Everything that you are struggling with and upset over sounds exactly what it is like to own your own business."
And as usual (for the most part), Max is right.
This is what I knew it was supposed to be like. But for the first time, I truly felt it. I felt the sadness of watching my light be dimmed so that I could pour my entire self into this business. I felt the anger of people expecting me to still attend to their agendas. I felt the frustration of not pleasing every client. I felt the stiffness of my entire body from the lack of moving away from my laptop. I felt the unhappiness of not clocking in and out. I felt the loneliness of not working with a team. I felt the uneasiness of a lot of income to no income within a matter of weeks. I felt the fear of failing to grow over this next year as I planned. I felt the worry of not doing enough for myself, the business, my coaches, and my clients. I felt the anxiety of going to sleep without answering a text message, email, or social media message. I felt the insomnia every night I tried to sleep with melatonin. I felt worn down.
I had felt these things almost every single day but didn't truly feel them. The adrenaline + my confidence + my perseverance + my passion + my mindset shift almost distracted me from the pain just as if I was fighting a good fight.
So yeah, Max.
This is exactly what entrepreneurs and business owners talked about on the multitude of podcasts I've listened to and books I've read.
But fuck. Fuuuuuuucckckk vbjsfkjvndsvbfvdsnv
It's fucking different.
You will never understand the pain until you go through it yourself.
And there's moments that make you stop, pause, and embrace the awesome that is becoming. I'm sure this is relatable to motherhood. You can't explain to people without kids that the pain and uneasiness of pregnancy, labor, and your new routine that has flipped your world upside down is worth it.
I'm terrified of pregnancy because of that thought.
When you have a baby, you don't get to just live your life the way that you want to. You don't get to just disappear for a week. You don't get to just pack up and call it a day. Your baby doesn't care about what you have going on because it can't take care of itself. You can't leave it. You have to tend to it and love it no matter if it's shitting and throwing up on you every day-- or whether it's laughing and sleeping through the night.
Functional Nutrition Fitness is my baby.
Some days those feelings that I listed above, I feel so deeply.
And other days, I relish in every aspect of this position.
I'm extremely grateful. It's incredible that I started this business 7 months ago and have as many clients as I do, a staff of coaches, a consistently growing social media page, and have become a Corporation. I have the most supportive people around me and I have to remember that I am always in choice.
To ask for what I need.
To set more boundaries.
To tend to myself the way I tend to others.
To shut my laptop and turn off my phone.
To be okay with getting off social media.
Entrepreneurship is lonely and it's hard and it makes you question every part of who you are and what you say you want in this life.
I want to see my coaches thrive with 10+ clients per coach.
I want to see 1-2 coaches become full time and work on the backend of things.
I want to see myself with 5 clients and the ability to manage and mentor my coaches.
I want to see FNF coaching and taking on clients for 10+ Crossfit gyms.
The goal every day is to not let fear overshadow my desires.
This is being an entrepreneur.